Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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