Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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