Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize