I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize