I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
