dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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