i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
