biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
