This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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