You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize