you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
