i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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