Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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