i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
