In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
