im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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