Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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