yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
