so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize