Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize