THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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