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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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