Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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