Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
