Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
