I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
