tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
