i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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