This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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