Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
