Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
