My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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