They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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