my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
