Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
