I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my being single is dangerous.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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