May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
