Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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