rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
