the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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