evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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