Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
