I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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