just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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