you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
