waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize