It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
