very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
