Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
