i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
