i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
