I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
