So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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