I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
