I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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