are you so shy because you have an std?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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