If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your cock deserves a montage
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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