well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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