i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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