listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
