I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
