wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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