his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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