get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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