dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize