i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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