Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
