I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
