Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ruined the universe
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
