I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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